Friday, September 19, 2008

Jello baby (September 19, 2008)

I'm going insane. I kid you not. It's not what you would think that is putting me over the edge. It's not finances. It's not Braden's lack of common sense (well, he IS only 7, but still..), it's not even car troubles, the economy or what to make for dinner.

It's my jello baby. Mackenzie has perfected, perfected, the amazing ability to make her armpits disappear when trying to pick her up. Especially when I need to give her crap for something.

Me - Mackenzie, come here.
Her - No.
Me - *neck twitch and eyebrow lift* Come HERE. Please.
Her - Nuh uh.
Me - *walk over to child, pick up...pick... PICK UP... what the??... My hands grab where her armpits USED to be, but amazingly enough my hands continue to slide upwards, all the way up her outstretched arms, as she crumples to the floor...laughing. At me. Where the hell did her armpits go???
Her - *lays on floor laughing, saying "I funny mommy. Right?"
Me - ?!?! cries laughs softly

She'll pull this little act while I'm carrying her somewhere. She's happy. I'm happy. We're chatting, and all of a sudden WHAMO! she slithers to the ground. (Now, keep in mind I'm not carrying her by her armpits.) Out of the blue she decides she's going to let go, miraculously heave all her weight (35 pounds) to her lower limbs and hang there. All the while I'm desperately trying to hang on so she doesn't plummet to the ground and smash her head. Because I don't have time to go to the hospital right now Because I wouldn't want her to get hurt.

The other day, picking Braden up from school, Kenzie asks me to carry her. No way. I tell her I'll hold her hand instead. We walk back to the car and as I'm dodging 250 some odd 5-12 year olds, I realize my right arm is dragging further and further away from me. ??? Braden, who is standing on my left gets yelled at for this, as I'm still not recognizing what's going on. "Braden! Go. To. The. Car!! Now please!" he looks at me bewildered like and says "Uh.. I am..." I turn to look at Kenzie, to ask her to hurry up a little bi... Huh? She's hanging from my hand. Her legs have turned to jello, she is swinging wildly at a crazy angle with a huge goofy grin on her face. "UHG! Mackenzie! Stand up. NOW!" She doesn't, so I go to pick her up. Armpit's disappear and she laughs manically at me.

Where's my padded room?

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