Don't play with the dog poo. Seriously. Someone, at some point of our lives, had to of told us that. Otherwise the world would be full of adults poking at dog crap with a stick, or hiding it someone's shoe.
A couple years ago I was visiting with Shannon while our boys were playing together. There was a nice large pile of dog dung that the boys were examining when Shannon called out to them in a casual tone, "Don't play with the dog poo." This didn't phase me one iota. Shannon's roommate (who was childless) laughed her ass off. We looked at her with confusion. She said, "It's amazing what you have to tell kids. You'd think it was obvious to NOT play with poop!" Hmmm. I guess so!
I never realized what we do have to tell kids. Since I've had my nephews live with me I've taken notice of it a bit more. Here are just a few phrases I've uttered that I'm sure would raise eyebrows from a childless adult.
My list of Parent isms
1. Don't play with the dog poo. (Said to Braden and his friend Aiden)
2. Don't lick your brother's bum. (to Mackenzie)
3. Next time you get poop on your finger, don't wipe it on the wall. (to Braden and Alex)
4. My bra is not a toy (to Sam, Braden, Ben, Alex AND Mackenzie)
5. We don't put underwear in the toilet (to Alex, Mackenzie and Ben)
6. Don't talk to mommy/auntie right now. I put myself in time out. (to ALL)
7. Only ONE person goes pee at a time (to all the boys)
8. Do NOT pee on other people (to all the boys)
9. Take the sock off of your penis (sigh.. to all the boys)
10. Stop poking my boobs (to Ben and Mackenzie)
11. Don't wipe your boogers on the wall (to all, as I STILL have no clue who the
actual culprit is/was)
12. If you insist on punching your cousin, at least do it like you mean it, darnit! (that has been said in a moment of desperation, hoping "reverse psychology" would work...it didn't. Said to Braden and Ben)